Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
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