I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
