I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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