This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
