Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
