i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Randomize
