i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
