All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
