My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
i think i just lost a toe
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
