I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
