my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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