I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
