I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
