You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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