I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
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