Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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