life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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