Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
i wish my penis had a tongue
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
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