margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
