It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
