No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
