For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
