I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Randomize
