this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
