too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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