soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
