The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
