living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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