Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
