just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
