I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
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