Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
