Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
