it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
