theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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