I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
i need some magic done to my vagina
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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