It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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