I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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