I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Randomize
