using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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