he puts the penis in happiness.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
