quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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