If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
