Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
