apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
