My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
