when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
