Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
