her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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