You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
