A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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